Backstage Pass: The Making of a Sphere Cake

SO NOW THAT WE'VE ESTABLISHED MY FEELINGS 

FOR SPHERES IT IS NO SURPRISE THAT 

I DECIDED TO TAKE ON THE SPHERE CAKE.  

MOM EMAILED US A BEAUTIFUL TEAPOT CAKE 

EARLIER THIS YEAR AND SAID HOW 

SHE THOUGHT IT WAS SO LOVELY.  WELL IT WAS BASED 

ON A SPHERE AND I THOUGHT I'D MAKE IT FOR HER 

FOR MOTHER'S DAY.  

AND MUCH TO MY PLEASURE (AT THE TIME) 

I FOUND A 'SPORTS BALL' CAKE MOLD AT 

MICHAEL'S WHICH WAS JUST THAT-
A SPHERICAL CAKE PAN!

I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE EASY.

I THOUGHT I WOULD LIKE DOING IT.

I THOUGHT IT WOULD TURN OUT OK.

LET'S JUST SAY, 

THERE NEVER WAS A TEAPOT CAKE.

IT HAS NOW TAKEN ME WHAT FEELS LIKE A MILLION 

SPHERE CAKE ATTEMPTS (6 REAL LIFE) TO MANAGE 

TO GET THE THING TO LOOK LIKE THE 

SPHERE IT IS SUPPOSED TO.

THANK YOU CAMERA ANGLES!

THERE ARE SOME REAL TRICKS 

TO MAKING A SPHERE CAKE!

AND SINCE YOU DON'T CARE, 

OR EVEN HAVE A SPHERE CAKE MOLD
FOR THAT MATTER, 

I'M GOING TO TELL YOU THEM RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE THE BOX SURE AS HELL
AIN'T GONNA HELP YOU!

THE TOOLS:

FORGET ABOUT USING REGULAR ICING RIGHT NOW!

KEY TIP!

YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED DECORATING ICING BECAUSE

IT GETS KINDA HARD,  OTHERWISE YOU WILL

HAVE IT MELTING OFF AND YOU'LL QUESTION YOUR GOD.

AND DON'T FORGET:  THIS FUCKING FROSTING 

HAS TO DEFY GRAVITY.

YOU ALSO NEED THOSE CARD BOARD CAKE SPHERES

AND SKEWERS, AND I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH.

SKEWERS ARE KEY.

THE SPHERE CAKE WILL NOT BAKE TO ANY TIME ON

THE BOX.  YOU WILL HAVE TO KEEP CHECKING IT.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO A VERY GOOD POINT:

USE A BOX OF CAKE MIX.

I TRIED HOMEMADE RECIPES AND THEY DIDN'T

STAND UP TO THE SPHERE CAKE MOLD AS WELL.

THERE ARE CAKES YOU BAKE,

AND THEN THERE ARE CAKES YOU

DECORATE.

THE SPHERE CAKE IS FOR DECORATING.

DON'T COMPLICATE IT ANYMORE THAN THAT.

YOU DON'T HAVE THE PATIENCE, JUST TRUST ME.

THE CAKE COMES OUT IN TWO HALVES.

THE ONE ABOVE CAME OUT 

PARTICULARLY PRETTY.

MOST DON'T.

USUALLY YOU WILL LOSE A SIDE PART.

THIS IS ANOTHER KEY TIP!

MY FIRST INCLINATION WAS TO PUT THE

BLEMISHED HALF ON THE BOTTOM 

TO KEEP IT OUT OF SIGHT, THEN USE SOME FROSTING

AS GLUE AND ICE OVER IT, BUT IN REALITY

YOU WILL NEED THE GRAVITY TO KEEP

THE PIECE ON.  IF IT IS ON THE BOTTOM 

IT WILL FALL OFF.  AND SINCE YOU END UP ICING

OVER THE TOP IT DOESN'T MATTER IF THE

FUCKED UP ONE IS ON TOP.

I USED A TWINKIE FOR FEET FOR THE BOB-OMB CAKE.

I KNEW I'D HAVE TO GET THAT ON THE CAKE BOARD FIRST.

I HAVE DONE MANY DIFFERENT ATTEMPTS

AT ICING A SPHERE CAKE AND MY FAVORITE

IS DEFINITELY THE LARGE STAR ICING TIP.

(THE BASKETBALL SPHERE CAKE WAS ALSO LIKE 

THIS BUT THAT WAS BEFORE I DISCOVERED THAT 

YOU CAN'T MAKE YOUR OWN FROSTING.

SO IT MELTED OFF.)

ANOTHER KEY TIP HERE!

YOU HAVE TO ICE THE BOTTOM HALF BEFORE YOU

SET IT UP ON THE CAKE CARD BOARD.

ICING UPSIDE DOWN IS NOT FUN.

I TRIED.

WHAT I HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT HOW TO DO IS 

TRANSFER IT WITHOUT RUINING

AT LEAST SOME OF THE FROSTING JOB.

BUT IT IS PRETTY EASY TO FIX IT AT THAT POINT.

MUCH EASIER THAN TRYING TO ICE IT UPSIDE DOWN.

ALSO, USE SOME ICING AS GLUE UNDERNEATH IT TO 

KEEP IT IN PLACE EVEN FURTHER.

YOU CAN SEE MY FINGER SMOOSH IN IT.

HA HA.

BLACK ICING IS EXTREMELY FORGIVING.

SO THE NEXT STEP IS TO ADD THE OTHER HALF.

THERE IS A BIT OF ICING IN THE CENTER FOR GLUE.

SKEWER IMMEDIATELY!

AND GO THROUGH THE CARDBOARD CIRCLE TOO.

YOU WILL NEED ALL THE HELP YOU CAN GET.

SPHERES ROLL.

AND THE THE THING ABOUT MAKING CAKES, 

FOR ME ANYWAY,

IS THAT I RARELY MAKE THEM FOR MY OWN HOME.

AND TRANSPORTING A SPHERE CAKE IS A BITCH.

I SUGGEST USING A SECOND PERSON IF POSSIBLE.

THREE SKEWERS IS SUFFICIENT.

THEN I CUT THEM OFF TO THE RIGHT SIZE.

AND THEN IT'S TIME TO FROST THE TOP!

(AND TO THINK, YOU'RE ONLY 14 HRS INTO 

THE CAKE MAKING AT THIS POINT! HA HA)

I KNOW I SAID EARLIER DON'T MIX YOUR OWN FROSTING

BUT THIS WAS FOR THE VERY TOP OF THE CAKE

SO CONSIDERING GRAVITY WAS NOT AN ISSUE HERE.

IT TOOK ME THREE BOTTLES OF THE BLACK

SO I CUT ONE OF THE EMPTIES OPEN AND USED IT FOR

MY GREY.

(CAUSE THE ICING TIPS SCREW RIGHT ONTO THE BOTTLE.)

THESE WERE MY ACCESSORIES FOR THE CAKE.

I NEEDED A FUSE AND A WINDY UP THINGY FOR HIS BACK.

I FINISHED FROSTING THE TOP AND CLEANED UP MY

FINGER POKES FROM THE BOTTOM.

ACCESSORIES CAME LAST!

PHEW!

IT IS REALLY A PROCESS!

I THOUGHT THE SPHERE CAKE PAN BOX SHOULD'VE 

HAD SOME TIPS IN IT!

I ENDED UP THROWING OUT THE BOX THOUGH.

THE PICTURES OF THE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT 

LOOKING SPHERE CAKES ON IT PISSED ME OFF.

☄  ☄  ☄